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I went through counseling after my divorce.   I based my self-esteem on external events such as getting good grades in school, staying married, and not being dependent on my parents.  I was grieving, and I was feeling worthless.  I went to a counselor who was very confrontational, and I did not like her at all.  My sadness was overwhelming when I saw her.  I told her I was so sad I was afraid to cry.  I was afraid my crying would never stop.  She told me she did not believe me.  It is possible for depression to get that bad, though.  I was still in school, and I sometimes would miss a class due to grieving.  I was not done with my bachelor’s degree yet.

After I got my degree, I decided to go back to the city where my ex-husband, Thomas (a fictional name) lived in Texas.  I did not want to stay with my parents.  I had many bad experiences in the city where my parents lived in California, and I wanted to visit old friends in Texas.  I had many friends there.  I thought Thomas and I were still good friends.  Based on our phone calls, he sympathized with me and listened to me.  I did not know he had a girlfriend who would sometimes stay at his apartment overnight.  I thought with a bachelor’s degree, I could find a good job and be able to stay in Texas.  I did not find good jobs there, so I went back to school and continued my education.

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Posted February 6, 2011 by Nancy Mathis in Uncategorized

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