Archive for the ‘Friendship’ Tag

My first marriage   Leave a comment

When I finished a certificate in medical records technology, I moved to another city.  I had a temporary arrangement with a difficult roommate situation, and I a long-term relationship with an older boyfriend fell apart.  I figured it was time for a change.

I found a place to stay and spent a lot of time outdoors.  I met an intelligent man at a bowling alley, and I thought he was too good for me.  Ron (an assumed name) seemed to have much better social skills than I did, and he had lots of friends.  He liked to drink and smoke pot, and I thought that was cool because he had lots of friends.  We started living together and we eventually got married.

When we first got married, Ron and I had lots of fun.  We visited his friends and his friends visited us.  I got some advice about working in the medical field from a community college in town, and the counselor told me I needed to get a degree and pass a certification examination.  Therefore, I went to school full-time to finish my degree.  I got a job in the field, and I was not happy at work.  I hated filing and I did a lot of that.  I got in trouble due to filing medical charts in the wrong places, and sometimes I had trouble getting along with doctors.  Some of them resisted having us tell them what to do.  However, we were simply complying with some laws.  Doctors who did not comply with those laws got suspended.  I tried various types of medical records jobs, and I stayed there even though I was unhappy with my job.  I got a good salary, and I did not want to take a pay cut from working in a different kind of office as a clerk or a typist.  One day, they let me go in the spring of 1983.  I was in total shock.  I had been a light smoker, and right after losing my job, I smoked more than usual.

I got training in word processing because I could take short-term training, and I would get good pay for doing that.  I did volunteer work and looked around for another job without success.  I was very self-critical, and I could not find a job I liked.  After six months of collecting unemployment, we knew time was running out.  We decided to move to another state.

We ended up in Texas later that year.  Christmas time was a bad time to look for a job, so I used that time to explore job opportunities and to take certification tests.  I got a full-time job in 1984, and I wasn’t happy with that job either.  I was typing for other people from form letters.  The job was very repetitious.

Ron and I had less and less in common over the years.  He continued to party a lot, and he would drink heavily on the weekends.   I did not have very much in common with most of his friends either.  Their weekends revolved around celebrating birthdays and holidays with their friends.  I rarely went to those events.  I decided to study psychology full-time.  Ever since my early teens, I enjoyed reading about psychology.  I wanted to find out why I had so much trouble making friends and learn about improving relationships.  I tried to make good grades in one of the universities near where I worked, and I did not do well academically.

I had a C average from the university near my work, and I knew I would not get very far with those kinds of grades.  I left my state job and went to another university far away with smaller classes.  I did very well academically there and socialized with other college students.  I socialized mainly with older students because I was in my mid-thirties.  However, Ron did not want to move close to that school.  We had a long-distance relationship.   After one year at that school, I became interested in pursuing a master’s degree, because I would have better job opportunities with better pay if I got a graduate degree.  I enjoyed going to school there and wanted to pursue my graduate degree there.  Ron became very upset and complained about all his responsibilities.  I offered a divorce, and we got divorced that summer.  I thought he would want to keep the marriage instead of getting a divorce.  I felt sad about not being together anymore.  However, I was not done with my bachelor’s degree yet, so I went back to school in the Fall semester to finish my psychology degree.